Category: Self
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It’s Getting Bad Again
I’ve struggled with depression for most of my life. I remember having thoughts of not wanting to be alive starting when I was 7 or 8 years old. Those thoughts have never completely gone away. I was prescribed an antidepressant for the first time when I was 26 years old. It helped some but ended…
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Nothing
None of this matters. Burn it all down. Burn away the blood marked walls I punched until my hands shattered But not before metal tore flesh in a final goodbye note. Everything is empty. Burn me to ash, let the wind scatter me into oblivion.
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Silence
The calm silence of the night is when all the thoughts flood in. So much said, so much unsaid. I have no idea what to do with any of it. I didn’t sleep tonight. Last night I had nightmares and I was yelling in my sleep again. It happened the night before too. I thought…
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Work In Progress
During a session with my therapist yesterday, she said something that struck me to my core. “You are a work in progress.” There was discussion surrounding that, but her statement flipped on the light switch. I could suddenly breathe again. I’ve been holding my breath for decades. It’s a simple statement with an ocean of…
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Beauty Is In The Eye Of Someone Else
I have always struggled with my weight. Even as a child I was overweight. My weight has fluctuated throughout my life where I’ve lost and re-gained large amounts. At my highest weight I underwent bariatric surgery. I dropped 150 pounds within 7 months post-op, but then I got pregnant and the weight loss stopped. I…
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Creation
Once in awhile I enjoy creating. Tonight I made myself earrings. I used 2 gauge surgical steel spirals, made with rattlesnake vertebrae, amethyst and hematite beads.
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It’s Okay
I started writing about one of the shit storm periods of my life, and I had to stop. Some of it is still too raw. I’ve talked about it in therapy, but I’m not ready to put it out here for all to see. I planned to write a book about those times, and I…
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Sometimes
Sometimes I want to scream into the void until I lose my voice. Scream until I can’t feel a damn thing. Scream until I forget every terrible thing that’s ever happened to me and every terrible thing I’ve ever done. Sometimes I want the ground to open up and swallow me out of existence. Would…
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Get Off My Lawn and Other Ramblings
I decided to sign up for a Discord account. Now what? I honestly have no idea. I feel ancient because I really have no idea what the hell to do with the damn thing. Do I look for servers? Do I wait for invites to servers? Do I just sit here with my thumb up…
Countess Wolf 