Tag: dysfunction

• Disorder

  It always starts with the same thought: “I need to lose weight.” I’ve known this for a long time. My entire life, I’ve struggled with my weight. Lose, gain, lose, gain, lose, gain….on an endless loop. Logically, I know how to lose weight properly by eating healthy and exercising, limiting fat, sugar, etc. But my…

  thecountesswolf

  March 19, 2023

  Health, Mental Health, Self

  dysfunction, eating disorder, EDNOS, Mental Health, reflections, self-esteem, self-worth, weight, weight loss, women writers, writer

• Invisible

  I wish I was invisible so it didn’t matter what I looked like.

  thecountesswolf

  May 22, 2022

  Mental Health, Self

  dysfunction, self-esteem, self-worth, women writers, writer

• Nothing

  None of this matters. Burn it all down. Burn away the blood marked walls I punched until my hands shattered But not before metal tore flesh in a final goodbye note. Everything is empty. Burn me to ash, let the wind scatter me into oblivion.

  thecountesswolf

  May 11, 2022

  Creations, Mental Health, Self

  create, creative, creativity, destruction, dissociation, dysfunction, poetry, women writers, writer

• Work In Progress

  During a session with my therapist yesterday, she said something that struck me to my core. “You are a work in progress.” There was discussion surrounding that, but her statement flipped on the light switch. I could suddenly breathe again. I’ve been holding my breath for decades. It’s a simple statement with an ocean of…

  thecountesswolf

  May 3, 2022

  Mental Health, Self

  authentic self, CPTSD, dysfunction, healing, humble, self-care, self-esteem, self-worth, therapy, trauma, women writers, writer

• Beauty Is In The Eye Of Someone Else

  I have always struggled with my weight. Even as a child I was overweight. My weight has fluctuated throughout my life where I’ve lost and re-gained large amounts. At my highest weight I underwent bariatric surgery. I dropped 150 pounds within 7 months post-op, but then I got pregnant and the weight loss stopped. I…

  thecountesswolf

  April 27, 2022

  Mental Health, Self

  abuse, anorexia, bulimia, dysfunction, eating disorder, EDNOS, self-esteem, self-worth, trauma, weight, weight loss

• It’s Okay

  I started writing about one of the shit storm periods of my life, and I had to stop. Some of it is still too raw. I’ve talked about it in therapy, but I’m not ready to put it out here for all to see. I planned to write a book about those times, and I…

  thecountesswolf

  April 22, 2022

  Mental Health, Self

  abuse, CPTSD, destruction, domestic violence, dysfunction, financial abuse, love bombing, memories, narcissism, NPD, reflections, self-care, self-esteem, self-worth, therapy, toxic relationships, trauma, women writers, writer

• Sometimes

  Sometimes I want to scream into the void until I lose my voice. Scream until I can’t feel a damn thing. Scream until I forget every terrible thing that’s ever happened to me and every terrible thing I’ve ever done. Sometimes I want the ground to open up and swallow me out of existence. Would…

  thecountesswolf

  April 16, 2022

  Mental Health, Self

  authentic self, destruction, dysfunction, poetry, reflections, self-esteem, self-worth, trauma, women writers, writer

• Home Is Where The Heart Breaks (Part 2)

  When I was five and a half years old, my mother took me and left my father. I was 6 years old the last time I saw him. We moved in with my grandmother and her husband. Even though they had been married since my mother was young, I will never refer to that man…

  thecountesswolf

  March 31, 2022

  Self

  abuse, dysfunction, self-esteem, self-worth, trauma