Tag: trauma
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A Can of Beets
Once upon a time, in the not so distant past, I left everything and everyone I knew to move four hours away because of a man. A man who presented as caring, kind, and understood me in ways no one else did. What I didn’t know at the time was that he was an abuser.…
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Peel The Onion
“Peel the onion” refers to allowing the different layers of self to peel back, revealing the hidden parts so they may emerge.
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It’s Getting Bad Again
I’ve struggled with depression for most of my life. I remember having thoughts of not wanting to be alive starting when I was 7 or 8 years old. Those thoughts have never completely gone away. I was prescribed an antidepressant for the first time when I was 26 years old. It helped some but ended…
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Work In Progress
During a session with my therapist yesterday, she said something that struck me to my core. “You are a work in progress.” There was discussion surrounding that, but her statement flipped on the light switch. I could suddenly breathe again. I’ve been holding my breath for decades. It’s a simple statement with an ocean of…
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Beauty Is In The Eye Of Someone Else
I have always struggled with my weight. Even as a child I was overweight. My weight has fluctuated throughout my life where I’ve lost and re-gained large amounts. At my highest weight I underwent bariatric surgery. I dropped 150 pounds within 7 months post-op, but then I got pregnant and the weight loss stopped. I…
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It’s Okay
I started writing about one of the shit storm periods of my life, and I had to stop. Some of it is still too raw. I’ve talked about it in therapy, but I’m not ready to put it out here for all to see. I planned to write a book about those times, and I…
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Sometimes
Sometimes I want to scream into the void until I lose my voice. Scream until I can’t feel a damn thing. Scream until I forget every terrible thing that’s ever happened to me and every terrible thing I’ve ever done. Sometimes I want the ground to open up and swallow me out of existence. Would…
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Yet, I Live
I shouldn’t be alive right now. Around the age of 12, I didn’t think I’d be alive for very long, and honestly, I didn’t want to be alive. By that age I had already experienced lifetimes worth of abuse; physical, emotional, sexual. I didn’t know that I would experience domestic violence, sexual assault, and emotional…
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Home Is Where The Heart Breaks (Part 2)
When I was five and a half years old, my mother took me and left my father. I was 6 years old the last time I saw him. We moved in with my grandmother and her husband. Even though they had been married since my mother was young, I will never refer to that man…
Countess Wolf 